Ran into somebody the other day. Recognized him immediately, but wasn’t sure from where. Started talking, trying to figure it out. Then it came…

“Fuck that DUI class, man. That was some bullshit”.

Ah yes. That’s where he’s from.

We caught up. He was one of the people I liked hearing from in the group session of class. Funny guy, honest. Hadn’t seen him in quite some time.

Made me think back.

A year ago, I was going every Wednesday to a three hour class, learning, and re-learning that what I had done was wrong. Learning that what others had done were wrong. Being lead in discussions around inane topics like “Why do you think people drink?”

A year ago I was going to an AA meeting every week, hearing people tell horrific stories of hitting the absolute rock bottom, then having to share “I had like three beers too many one night” and getting looks from everyone else.

A year ago, I would get into my car, turn the ignition and wait 45 seconds for my interlock to turn on, and blow into it, and blow every 15 minutes to make sure that I hadn’t had any alcohol.

A year ago, I would have never had another person in my car.

A year ago, I would have to argue with a seedy car accessories owner to get two months on my interlock instead of one.

A year ago, I was getting constant reminders - from class, from my car, from the DMV, from my insurance, from tv commercials, that I had done something wrong.

A year ago I had to go into another separate class to tell me that yes, I had done something wrong.

While it wasn’t the most pleasant flashback, it made me realize how much this whole experience has changed me. More importantly, it’s nice how much I don’t have to think about my DUI every day, every car ride, every long meeting.

Today I drive my car freely, and easily.

Today I have passengers.

Today I am not required to be anywhere, at any time for the state.

Today I am half done with my probation.

Today I still feel bad about what I have done.

Today I realize that it doesn’t define me as a person.

Today I still drink, but when I do, I take an uber.

Today if I end up drinking while out, I use my breathalyzer to make sure I’m good to drive before I do.

Today I don’t drink as much as I once did.

Today I’m paying crazy high insurance.

Today I’m closer to having this behind me.

The process of satisfying the court seemed like it would never end. That every time I would have to calibrate my interlock another month seemed like it would be forever. Every class made it seem like time was standing still. It felt like I would be punished forever.

I’m glad that I can be here to say that you won’t be. You’re punished, and you do what you need to, and little-by-little, you get to think about it less. You feel the pain less and less every day.

You move on, and eventually life returns to normal.

When you’re in the middle of it, it’s hard to imagine. The further you go along, the quicker it seems to go.

I know I started this blog with advice a lawyer told me, “It all goes away”. It’s hard to believe in the moment, but I can tell you:

It all goes away.

Honestly.

Seriously.

It all goes away.

Tags: DUI, DUI Classes

Group meetings.

It sounds like the worst.

Am I going to have to go in and talk about my feelings, and cry, and get a hug from everyone, and talk about our growth and our spiritual journey, and all that other bullshit?

Thankfully: no.

It just sounds like it from the title of it. You won’t have to bond, you won’t have to talk about the first time you tried a drink, you won’t have to talk about your childhood, or anything like that.

Remember: they cannot, legally, compel you to share.

However, truth be told, I liked this part of the class much more than the instruction period. The class gets a little bigger since there’s a nine week span it covers. Mostly it’s people in your same situation trying to get through it. It’s a lot like high school in that way. Just trying to get through it to freedom. Fortunately, like high school, there will be people trying to make jokes, trying to flirt, trying to get the teacher derailed, trying to find different ways to kill time until the final bell rings.

It’s a lot more fun than watching a grandpa in a leisure suit talk about how he didn’t know his weekly brandy could affect him that much in an ancient video.

There will be a topic at hand - there’s some loose guidelines, but nothing particularly required from the state - and your instructor will talk about it. Usually something about how to go our and be responsible, or how to say no to alcohol, or how it affects the body. They’re usually built around the concepts of abstinence and temperance. They like things to be a big open question, with no clear solution except to cut down on drinking. I talked about using my own breathalyzer to prevent getting another DUI, and how the system was rigged against people by using a metric that’s difficult to understand since metering devices aren’t widely available - and was confronted with ways that wasn’t a real solution because it’s possible that you can be impaired at lesser alcohol levels (something I’ve learned is not the case for the way my body handles alcohol).

They’ll ask you about what you would do if you went out some place and got too drunk, looking for the old timey solutions (always designate a driver who won’t drink! Limit yourself to two drinks a night! or… don’t ever drink!) when confronted with modern solutions that are reliable, but allow a person to keep drinking - Uber, in particular, they would respond with “But how long can that last? How long can you just uber to some place!”. This bizarre response came from every instructor I had in the program, almost verbatim. Maybe that’s a state sanctioned thing, but given that many people are ditching driving their own cars and just ubering everywhere, I think it can last quite some time. I think they’re threatened a little bit by uber as it’s cut down on DUIs and will continue to, which threatens their business to a large degree. They’d give us the old “How do you know Uber is safe? Why not get a taxi?” which is such a bizarre argument since there’s no record of when you take a taxi. The whole thing is weird.

When discussing these things you’ll be asked about how you got your DUI, and many factors. As someone who hasn’t told many people about my DUI, it was honestly really nice to be able to share my story and get some sympathy from my peers. It was nice to openly talk about it and not be judged. It was also nice to have the instructor say that the biggest factor in mine seemed to be bad luck. It was really great to hear other people’s stories - horrible ones - about hitting parked cars, getting caught in a sting operation, getting caught by a checkpoint, one getting a DUI for being asleep in his backseat and the car parked overnight, their experience in refusing the field sobriety test, etc. Despite the instructors’ anti-Uber sentiment, I found them fair regarding people’s experiences, and expressing whether they exhibited problematic behavior (vast majority didn’t).

They’ll ask you if you’re still drinking. It is ok to be honest and say that you are. The person who had quit drinking is going to be the outlier. They’ll share their experiences, you can judge if you want to join them, cut down, or keeping on. Your drinking is your decision. Granted, it has consequences as you well know at this point. But it’s still your decision. Nobody can make it for you.

The class runs for 9 weeks for an AB-541 3-month class, and 23 weeks for a 9-month AB-1353 class, so the topics get weak sometimes - it’ll get into “what does a person need for basic survival” some weeks, “how to handle stress” another - they’ll try to tangentially relate it to the big topic - drinking and driving - but the facts are that it doesn’t take 15 weeks to tell people to not drink and drive. However, 15 weeks of a 2 hour class, is enough to make them say “fuck that, I’m not ever going through that again”, so it works as a deterrent for a second offense.

Again, get there on time and sober, pay some attention, engage when you want. Depending on the group these discussions can actually be… well, not fun, but almost fun. There were some cool and funny people in my group, so it wasn’t that bad. Tell some jokes, make some friends (that you probably won’t keep once it ends), make the time go by easier for everyone.

Again, running out the clock is the name of the game. Get through it. Get to your final evaluation, and tell them how you drink less, and plan to be more responsible and don’t want to come back (which is certainly true). Get your paper for the court, then get out.

It’s tough at first, but once you see what it’s like, you’ll be fine. Even if you’re not that social of a person.

Tags: DUI Classes

In California, to complete your AB-541 or AB-1353 class you’ll have to do either 6, or 19 meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous, respectively. This is just another entry into the long list of things they don’t tell you.

When I was seeking out an alcohol class the person mentioned being required to do 10 AA meetings. Naturally I called 3 other classes and asked if they required AA meetings. I just didn’t want to do them if I didn’t have to. The last person told me it was a state requirement. Never in the process had I been told about this by the court, or my lawyer. It was not a pleasant blindslide.

The AA website is terrible for giving details about where and when meetings are. I found some with conflicting start times, but you should be able to find a resource in your area to help you find some. AA is a popular organization, there’s meetings all over, and should be available in a variety of settings. If you’re in a populated area there should be a meeting any time from the early morning to late night, any day of the week. Those who commit to the program do a 30 and 30 - 30 meetings in 30 days, so there should be something to fit into your schedule.

AA is a loose organization - so meetings are very different. It may take you a while to find a meeting that works with your schedule, meets near you, and that you enjoy. The last part is the most crucial. Fortunately, I found a kind and understanding meeting near me first time. I tried another one (I tried to buck the system by going to a meditation AA meeting hoping that I could just zone for an hour and have it count. No, it’s an hour of meditation, then the hour long meeting). But take how they treat you and others into consideration - you should not be forced to speak, or share. I know I certainly didn’t want to. You should not be made to feel bad for still drinking - AA is open to anyone who wants to learn about stopping as well as those who have stopped. Even those with multiple year chips will tell you how they hate what they call “AA Nazis”.

Like DMV classes you can only go to one AA meeting a week and have it count. You are, of course, welcome to go to more, but they will only be for your own enrichment.

AA, like the DMV classes, is daunting when you first attend, and then not a big deal once you get into the groove of things. There’s the reading of certain passages from the AA handbook, then usually somebody sharing their experience or a speaker. Part of this is counterproductive. After I got my DUI I, like anyone else, started to wonder if I had a problem, if I drank too much, if I was an alcoholic. After I heard the stories from these people, I felt that I was a moderate drinker who just made a bad decision. The stories that you hear are awful. They’ll stick with you. What they like to say is that even if it doesn’t make you quit drinking, it will affect your drinking. Pretty true.

Once the meeting is over you’ll give your card to either the secretary of the meeting or the speaker depending how they do it. They call it the “nudge from the judge” and should not give you any grief over it. Even if you make it clear that you’re only there because you have to be and do not plan on attending past your requirements. AA only asks of you that you attend the meeting and listen to what they have to say, that you make your own judgements, and consider all of the options, and look to them as a resource if you want to make a change in your life.

I, of course, didn’t want to be there any of the times that I was there. But, like most of the things that you go through in this, it wasn’t the worst thing I’ve been through. Sometimes it was funny, sometimes it was shocking, sometimes it was engaging. I never felt judged. Sometimes I was really inspired by some of the stories that people told. The shadow of your DUI is an awful place to be in, and it’s really helpful to see that some people have been through the process many times, but they’ve been able to bounce back and put their lives together. It’s important to see that you can bounce back.

As for it being part of the legal process, I don’t particularly like it (AA being an organization that seeks to be away from the government), but I understand it. A lot of the things that you go through in this process are there for people who have bigger problems than driving home from a night out to get a chance to find that there are recovery programs, that they can take hold of these problems and to start dealing with them. It allows you to put yourself in perspective and really gauge where you want to be in life. It is a chance to reflect and look forward. I saw that I did not have a problem, but probably should cut back, and did just that.

Some have a problem with AA’s slight religious bent. I’m not religious but did not have a problem with it, as others do (they get upset at any mention of God). The “God as you see him” is pretty non specific, non intrusive, and vague enough for everybody. Some claim that AA weens you off of an addiction to alcohol and replaces it with an addiction to religion/God. I can see that argument in theory, but in the program, and in my friends who have gone through it to quit drinking I do not see it being the case.

If you do not want to go through the program there are acceptable alternatives such as Rational Recovery, Moderation Management, etc. They’re not as available as Alcoholics Anonymous, and probably not as flexible. AA allowed me to go on my schedule and were close by (which was a great help as I was on my hard suspension and on my bike). Go with what works for you. For most people it’ll be the minimum amount of AAs, and then be done.

Like everything in this process, I do not advise waiting around. Get them over with. If you miss enough consecutive weeks in AA your DMV program can say that you’re not participating and send your case back to court. This is a bad thing. Do not let it happen. Get them over with. Yes, this does mean that in the beginning you’ll be in “classes” for 3 hours a week, and it’s a pain, but 3 hours a week is nothing when you get down to it. Yes, you have a busy life and a full schedule. Get it over with. Stay up later, get up earlier, whatever. Get it over with and move on with your life.

Don’t make things harder for yourself. Also, you might end up enjoy going to.

Heck, you might even learn something.

Tags: Alcoholics Anonymous, DUI Classes